[He looks down at him. Some part of him has come to accept that what is taking place with Cyril is...real. That he enjoys it, opening himself up to another again. Particularly one who has been so patient with him for several months now.
He studies him another moment before looking ahead. There is a part of him that feels better knowing that Cyril doesn't intend to continue to pursue this other relationship. Perhaps he has been considering one with this Elf after all. Strange, he hasn't really considered that in a long time. He's been so used to closing himself off, not letting others in.
For a period of time, Kolivan is quiet, simply walking with Cyril at his side. The book had been rather enlightening, especially after what Cyril had already told him. He actually feels closer to him now, perhaps more so than he does anyone other than Ulaz and Krolia.
Kolivan pauses.]
Do you wish to have a bond with me that goes beyond that of something entirely physical, Cyril?
[Oh boy, that question feels so loaded. He feels a weird grip on panic his throat that he swallows down and tries to ignore.
It isn't fair to Kolivan to make this purely about his body. In the months they have gotten to know each other, Cyril realizes that he could be so happy with this man.
If he'd only allow himself to take that step. And, of course, if Kolivan agreed.]
I do. [He finally says, though he looks away for a moment.] Our friendship has given me hope that I thought I had lost, Kolivan. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't shown up here.
[He's aware that the question he's asked isn't an easy one for Cyril. Honestly, he's done that intentionally. Right now he needs to hear just how serious he is about these feelings of his. If he would only desire him physically or if it would be more than that. The difference between those is very important. Especially to Kolivan.
When he gets his answer, he quietly contemplates. He does think about Cyril often now. And he actually feels relaxed with him. It's a pleasant sensation he hasn't experienced in a very, very long time.
So, he makes his decision.]
I would have you be mine. I believe the term that would be the most accurate to this would be "lovers". Though I doubt I will have to ask, it's appropriate to do so. Will you enter this relationship with me? All of you. Not just your body.
[Of all of the things Kolivan might have said, that is not what Cyril is expecting. Honestly, he was expecting that Kolivan would confirm his interest but ask for a bit more time to be sure what that meant.
Hearing 'I would have you be mine' sort of short circuits Cyril for a moment, as he blinks a couple of times to get the image that brings to his mind to calm down.]
Yes. I would like that. From now on then, all of me is yours.
[It has been so long since he's last been in a relationship. Honestly he expected to simply die without ever having another. Yet this feels right. Good.
He nods at his answer before realizing that he suddenly has no more words to say. Everything has been said that he wishes to say. Strange that he should feel like his tongue has knotted in his mouth. After all, he long since outgrew being a juvenile.
So yes. A nod will be Cyril's answer. At least until his brain figures out a response that isn't just "Good."
[This is his first kiss in a very long time. Still, he finds it warm and gentle. A good start for easing back into something he gave up for himself. This will continue to be a slow build but he feels that Cyril will continue to have the patience with him for that.
Honestly Kolivan appreciates it.
When the kiss ends, he lingers down closer to his height, almost hovering there somewhat.]
My skills in this manner of affection are likely to not be what they once were.
[He feels he can do better. But perhaps that is what some of this will be for. Him learning to do this all again.]
[Cyril momentarily seems distracted by touching Kolivan's chest. His attention moves to the way his hand looks there, and he spreads his fingers to test how the muscle feels.
When Kolivan speaks he looks up, and it takes him a moment to process the request.]
Hm? Oh! Yes, of course.
[He pulls back a bit so they can start walking again.]
So, is this what you meant for us to talk about when you contacted me?
[He still feels a weird lingering anxiety when he thinks about it, but he wants to believe Kolivan won't hurt him.]
I... You know this isn't going to last forever. One day, one of us will wake up and the other will have been sent home. Our memories of our time together will be erased once we return.
I thought such a thing would make me terrified of opening up, but instead, it just makes me more hungry to do it. If we only have a limited time together, I don't want to waste a single moment of it fretting over the same fears that have ruined me before.
[Looking down at him, he listens as Cyril explains how little time they have. And yet, they can still do this. Make this work somehow. Nodding, he looks to the path they're walking, quiet before he speaks. Considering his words carefully as he always does.]
Do they look this way? These Free Marches you speak of?
[He is curious. There is something relaxing about being able to speak to someone like this. Casually. It isn't something he's been able to do in a long time. Not until Cyril.]
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no subject
Date: 2019-03-31 05:03 am (UTC)[He looks down at him. Some part of him has come to accept that what is taking place with Cyril is...real. That he enjoys it, opening himself up to another again. Particularly one who has been so patient with him for several months now.
He studies him another moment before looking ahead. There is a part of him that feels better knowing that Cyril doesn't intend to continue to pursue this other relationship. Perhaps he has been considering one with this Elf after all. Strange, he hasn't really considered that in a long time. He's been so used to closing himself off, not letting others in.
For a period of time, Kolivan is quiet, simply walking with Cyril at his side. The book had been rather enlightening, especially after what Cyril had already told him. He actually feels closer to him now, perhaps more so than he does anyone other than Ulaz and Krolia.
Kolivan pauses.]
Do you wish to have a bond with me that goes beyond that of something entirely physical, Cyril?
no subject
Date: 2019-03-31 05:08 am (UTC)It isn't fair to Kolivan to make this purely about his body. In the months they have gotten to know each other, Cyril realizes that he could be so happy with this man.
If he'd only allow himself to take that step. And, of course, if Kolivan agreed.]
I do. [He finally says, though he looks away for a moment.] Our friendship has given me hope that I thought I had lost, Kolivan. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't shown up here.
I want whatever you are willing to give me.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-31 05:13 am (UTC)When he gets his answer, he quietly contemplates. He does think about Cyril often now. And he actually feels relaxed with him. It's a pleasant sensation he hasn't experienced in a very, very long time.
So, he makes his decision.]
I would have you be mine. I believe the term that would be the most accurate to this would be "lovers". Though I doubt I will have to ask, it's appropriate to do so. Will you enter this relationship with me? All of you. Not just your body.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-31 05:18 am (UTC)Hearing 'I would have you be mine' sort of short circuits Cyril for a moment, as he blinks a couple of times to get the image that brings to his mind to calm down.]
Yes. I would like that. From now on then, all of me is yours.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-31 05:23 am (UTC)He nods at his answer before realizing that he suddenly has no more words to say. Everything has been said that he wishes to say. Strange that he should feel like his tongue has knotted in his mouth. After all, he long since outgrew being a juvenile.
So yes. A nod will be Cyril's answer. At least until his brain figures out a response that isn't just "Good."
He's happy, Cyril. Really.]
no subject
Date: 2019-03-31 05:24 am (UTC)Hey. Bend down here so I can kiss you.
[That seems like a good start?]
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Date: 2019-03-31 05:26 am (UTC)Reaching out, he touches his face, rather amazed that skin can be so sort, then leans down to put himself well within reach of the tiny figure.]
no subject
Date: 2019-03-31 05:32 am (UTC)It's sweet and warm. He doesn't want to press for too much too soon. He's experimenting with how Kolivan tastes and how he feels about being kissed.]
no subject
Date: 2019-03-31 05:35 am (UTC)Honestly Kolivan appreciates it.
When the kiss ends, he lingers down closer to his height, almost hovering there somewhat.]
My skills in this manner of affection are likely to not be what they once were.
[He feels he can do better. But perhaps that is what some of this will be for. Him learning to do this all again.]
no subject
Date: 2019-03-31 05:39 am (UTC)[Cyril reassures and the back of Kolivan's neck.]
You tell me what you're comfortable doing, and we'll go that far and not a step further.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-02 05:42 am (UTC)[Rising back up will cause those hands to slide to his chest instead. But he finds he doesn't mind them being there. It's...pleasant.]
Will you walk with me further?
no subject
Date: 2019-04-03 02:06 am (UTC)When Kolivan speaks he looks up, and it takes him a moment to process the request.]
Hm? Oh! Yes, of course.
[He pulls back a bit so they can start walking again.]
So, is this what you meant for us to talk about when you contacted me?
no subject
Date: 2019-04-03 04:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-04-05 03:12 am (UTC)[Then, after a moment,] I'm glad that I opened up to you.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-08 06:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-04-09 03:13 am (UTC)[He still feels a weird lingering anxiety when he thinks about it, but he wants to believe Kolivan won't hurt him.]
I... You know this isn't going to last forever. One day, one of us will wake up and the other will have been sent home. Our memories of our time together will be erased once we return.
I thought such a thing would make me terrified of opening up, but instead, it just makes me more hungry to do it. If we only have a limited time together, I don't want to waste a single moment of it fretting over the same fears that have ruined me before.
I want to be brave for you.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-10 10:05 am (UTC)You have the capacity for great courage.
[That was Kolivan for "you already are."]
no subject
Date: 2019-04-11 03:00 am (UTC)Hearing you say it makes me think so too.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-11 06:09 am (UTC)[Logic.]
... what did i do with the small text there? the world may never know
Date: 2019-04-12 02:26 am (UTC)it's a mystery
Date: 2019-04-13 09:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-04-13 10:10 pm (UTC)This planet reminds me of the Free Marches.
no subject
Date: 2019-04-16 10:12 am (UTC)[He is curious. There is something relaxing about being able to speak to someone like this. Casually. It isn't something he's been able to do in a long time. Not until Cyril.]
no subject
Date: 2019-04-18 03:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-04-19 07:28 am (UTC)(no subject)
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