IC Contact for faderift

[samahl]

Leave your messages here.

Comments

[samahl]

[Cyril takes a deep breath and honestly at this moment he actually considers it. He feels terrible, like this conversation has ground him up into tiny pieces. It's probably because these are things he's never put words to and doing so feels like one of the most painful things he's ever done.]

[ombranera]

Breathe.

[ Zevran had been careful to keep to his side of the tent for the entirety of this conversation- but now? He reaches across to smooth a hand through Cyril's hair. ]

I wouldn't, even if you asked. It would break you and I am not in the habit of breaking beautiful things.

[samahl]

[Cyril does breathe and he shifts his body a bit to let Zevran touch more of him]

What is wrong with me? [His voice is very small, very quiet, and it is a stark reminder that he's still just a young man.]

[ombranera]

[ Gently, Zevran tucks Cyril against his chest, hands moving in soothing passes down his back and through his hair. ]

You latched on to the feeling of being needed and, perhaps, mistook that craving for one of love? I do not doubt your affection for your brother, even without the desire it is still a bit... I am the last with room to speak on what is healthy and what may rest in your soul like venom, but the way things were when you arrived- they did not seem to be doing either of you any favors.

But things have changed now, for both of you. Merrick has found a place for himself here, and a place at someone's side. Someone that wants him but does not need him- someone he wants but does not need.

[samahl]

I know...

And Metaari was with us during his last fit. He's wonderful. I'm so glad that Merrick has him.

[And also so jealous, but he doesn't want to ever give that words.]

[ombranera]

And jealous, I suspect, that someone has taken what you feel to be your place.

[ Hiding it does not help, Cyril. ]

[samahl]

[Cyril sighs a bit and looks up at Zevran.]

Merrick should move past needing me. Then none of this will complicate his life.

[ombranera]

Cyril- I think the one thing you have yet to see is that he has. Day by day he needs less and that truly is for the better.

Now what you have is an overly familiar comfort that you both fall back upon whenever you are around one another. There is a reason why I spent half the time in the Mire in Maxwell's company instead of the tent I was assigned.

[samahl]

So I should... distance myself from him?

[ombranera]

Distance yourself from the less helpful habits you have regarding him.

[samahl]

Right now I feel like that's all of them.

[ombranera]

Well any changes you make ought to be gradual. Stopping everything all at once would disturb him and hurt more than help.

[samahl]

[This entire idea hurts. He sighs and then nods, accepting this.]

[ombranera]

[ For several long moments Zevran is content to sit, stroking Cyril's hair and back as everything they've discussed settles in. ]

[samahl]

[Cyril eventually calms down, it helps that Zevran is touching him and soothing him.]

Does this mean that you can get to the 'why' part now?

[ombranera]

Mm? Oh. Because you both have an opportunity to grow away from this and become healthier, happier people. It took a bloody war and quite a few deaths of those I cared for before I was able to do the same.

Actually I never had to, I just killed Taliesin- anyway.

I do not wish you both to waste years better spent happy tangled in this thing. So, I said something. Ignoring it was becoming difficult.

[samahl]

[Cyril frowns at that.]

You... you had to kill him?

[ombranera]

It's complicated. Very complicated, and not at all equivalent to this situation.

[samahl]

But we still made you think of it?

[ombranera]

At first, yes. It did not take long for me to learn better.

[samahl]

[He nods a bit at that and then takes another deep breath.]

Can we talk about something else now?

[ombranera]

Of course.

[ A beat. ]

So. Taas and Sam? Do tell.

[samahl]

[Cyril's eyes narrow a bit.]

I don't know why I said that. Sam is just a friend. We aren't even sleeping together any more.

[ombranera]

I can see the appeal, the broad shoulders, the good chantry boy demeanor, the magic fingers.

[ He crackles a soft laugh, dropping a kiss to Cyril's forehead. ]

Sometimes we say things that are true without our knowing it when we are distressed.

[samahl]

[Cyril hums lightly at the kiss.]

Sam isn't interested in that with someone like me. He needs... something more serious than I can give. And anyway, he's a good friend. I wouldn't want to risk the friendship.

[Then, after a moment.] Besides, I thought you were trying to push me and Taas together.

Why are you even doing that? If it's about me being serious, why not push you and I closer?