I wouldn't call it stupid. I used to think about that all of the time. [Cyril replies gently.]
But you were your mother's son, and I was infatuated with Merrick. I knew I could never give you the attention and focus you deserved. I... [He pauses, trying to word this carefully.]
No, not... [He reconsiders this question too] Why would she-- no, nevermind, I can already see it happening.
[Cyril would see someone and wander off and be... himself, just as he is, beautiful and bright, and sometimes just utterly feckless. And then Sorrel, or the version of Sorrel in his mind's eye would... would feel sort of the way the real Sorrel had felt when trying to reconcile with the reality of what Adasse seeing other people might be like.]
Merrick, though? [Then, in a tone probably more appropriate to scolding a cat who's jumped on a table she isn't allowed up on, rather than the idea of lusting after one's own sibling:]Cyril.
[Cyril blinks, because he had honestly thought that the whole Clan had realized his feelings towards Merrick weren't exactly brotherly. He had always assumed it some unspoken secret.
Putting words to the feelings had been one of the things that had finally helped him move past them.]
Yes. I know. It's all very scandalous and likely one of the many reasons I have so many hang-ups when it comes to love, but I've been working through those issues.
[He offers Sorrel a half smile at that.] Trust me, my friend, you did not want a taste of the mess I was when I was with the Clan.
[Yes, well you're talking to Sorrel, the man who could not believe anyone would ever want to love him right up until Adasse bridal-carried him out of Darktown. He's not the brightest star in the sky, when it comes to romance.]
Why am I only just finding out about this now. Do you even know how long... [He laughs and shoves Cyril, heedless of whatever burden he's carrying.] And listen to you, like it's so easy. Oh I'm working through those issues, don't worry. You're ridiculous.
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no subject
Date: 2018-06-18 11:12 pm (UTC)[And, almost as soon as he says it, embarrassment ebbs in and he punctuates it with a little laugh.]
See? That's what I'll call a stupid question.
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Date: 2018-06-18 11:15 pm (UTC)But you were your mother's son, and I was infatuated with Merrick. I knew I could never give you the attention and focus you deserved. I... [He pauses, trying to word this carefully.]
I didn't want to break your heart.
no subject
Date: 2018-06-21 03:00 am (UTC)What?
[forget dignity, that definitely came out as a squeak]
What? [He pauses for a moment to think about it for a few heartbeats longer] No-- What? Really?
I... D- Why?
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Date: 2018-06-21 03:01 am (UTC)Why was I worried about breaking your heart? For many reasons, though about one through seven are all Beleth.
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Date: 2018-06-21 03:17 am (UTC)[Cyril would see someone and wander off and be... himself, just as he is, beautiful and bright, and sometimes just utterly feckless. And then Sorrel, or the version of Sorrel in his mind's eye would... would feel sort of the way the real Sorrel had felt when trying to reconcile with the reality of what Adasse seeing other people might be like.]
Merrick, though? [Then, in a tone probably more appropriate to scolding a cat who's jumped on a table she isn't allowed up on, rather than the idea of lusting after one's own sibling:]Cyril.
no subject
Date: 2018-06-21 03:23 am (UTC)Putting words to the feelings had been one of the things that had finally helped him move past them.]
Yes. I know. It's all very scandalous and likely one of the many reasons I have so many hang-ups when it comes to love, but I've been working through those issues.
[He offers Sorrel a half smile at that.] Trust me, my friend, you did not want a taste of the mess I was when I was with the Clan.
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Date: 2018-06-21 03:29 am (UTC)Why am I only just finding out about this now. Do you even know how long... [He laughs and shoves Cyril, heedless of whatever burden he's carrying.] And listen to you, like it's so easy. Oh I'm working through those issues, don't worry. You're ridiculous.
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Date: 2018-06-21 03:31 am (UTC)I am. I am rather ridiculous. It's true.
[It's really hard to tell if he's joking or not.]