[ She knows that in the end she is going to end up like Cyril; she's going to lose her arm, she's going to give it up because it's killing her. Knowing it for what it is - a piece of Solas' power, a piece of him ripped from his Foci and trapped in her hand - makes her feel pained and a little hurt. She wants to keep it because it's a part of him, but... It's killing her. She is going to die if she doesn't get rid of it, and she recognises that being here is what is keeping her alive.
It's sad, that she wishes she could keep something that was killing her. The Anchor had been terrible the first time she had realised what it was, but now... Now it was just a part of her, and even as she stared away from it she could feel the pulse and spark of it, waiting to overwhelm her.
She can't abandon him. She doesn't want to. But she knows the choices that have to be made; if Solas won't turn from his course then she will have to stop him. ]
The others didn't know Solas like I did. They saw the man he wanted them to see - careful and wise, but stubborn and argumentative, too. I saw more than that... I saw so much of him that it hurts me to think that people will only see him as someone who wants the world to end. He wants to make things better, he is just doing it in the most foolish, cruel way possible.
[ Glancing over, she smiles softly, a gentleness settling over her shoulders. ]
I would like to do the same to you. We understand one another, lethallin, and I do not want to lose that, not when this world is so strange and different from Thedas. I want to believe that we can save him.
[ She wants to be wrapped in Solas' arms again, to feel him against her, to hear the whisper of his name, of ma vhenan against her ear. She wants so much that she feels embittered and selfish with it - her own desires should not go above what is best for the world, no matter how much she loves Solas.
At least she can laugh, just a little. ]
He would deserve it. Fool.
[ Leaning back, Leilani breathes out, shaking her head and gazing up at the sky. ]
It may take years, but I am willing to fight for that long. I will bring him home, and I will forgive him, and I will show him the errors in his choices. That is my promise to myself.
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It's sad, that she wishes she could keep something that was killing her. The Anchor had been terrible the first time she had realised what it was, but now... Now it was just a part of her, and even as she stared away from it she could feel the pulse and spark of it, waiting to overwhelm her.
She can't abandon him. She doesn't want to. But she knows the choices that have to be made; if Solas won't turn from his course then she will have to stop him. ]
The others didn't know Solas like I did. They saw the man he wanted them to see - careful and wise, but stubborn and argumentative, too. I saw more than that... I saw so much of him that it hurts me to think that people will only see him as someone who wants the world to end. He wants to make things better, he is just doing it in the most foolish, cruel way possible.
[ Glancing over, she smiles softly, a gentleness settling over her shoulders. ]
I would like to do the same to you. We understand one another, lethallin, and I do not want to lose that, not when this world is so strange and different from Thedas. I want to believe that we can save him.
[ She wants to be wrapped in Solas' arms again, to feel him against her, to hear the whisper of his name, of ma vhenan against her ear. She wants so much that she feels embittered and selfish with it - her own desires should not go above what is best for the world, no matter how much she loves Solas.
At least she can laugh, just a little. ]
He would deserve it. Fool.
[ Leaning back, Leilani breathes out, shaking her head and gazing up at the sky. ]
It may take years, but I am willing to fight for that long. I will bring him home, and I will forgive him, and I will show him the errors in his choices. That is my promise to myself.