IC Contact for faderift

[samahl]

Leave your messages here.

Comments

[samahl]

[Cyril blinks and then stares for a moment. After a second or two, in which he feels like a vice has been closed around his chest, he laughs. The sound of it is a little forced.]

You had me going there for a moment.

Honestly, Zevran, most of the time men who are going to share my tent don't accuse me of incestuous thoughts right before we do, but I suppose you have your own flair.

[ombranera]

It may or may not be actual desire, but there is some manner of longing. I know a complication when I see one- [ Something he'll address in a moment- a second, simpler complication than this. ] -and know that, perhaps, it is something you two simply do not talk about because of the unfortunate implications.

[samahl]

The two of us don't want to talk about?

[There's a moment in which all of the humor leaves Cyril's face, and then he forces himself to calm down.]

You talked to Merrick about this?

[ombranera]

I poked at it in private until he told me he did not wish to discuss it- and to never bring it up with him again. And thus I shall abide.

If you as well wish me to drop the matter entirely I shall.

[samahl]

[Cyril takes a breath and shakes his head.]

I don't know what to say about it. Especially not out here in the open. Help me set up my tent first.

[ombranera]

Done.

[ They've come upon the camp at last- staking out somewhere private to set up the tent is simple enough, something they can finish quickly with two pairs of hands. ]

[samahl]

[Cyril finishes the tent and then goes in to lay out his bedroll. His body is a little tense but he doesn't seem angry.]

What did you say to Merrick?

[ombranera]

I expressed surprise that you did not bring him up as attractive, to which he said-

[ He slips into a solid impersonation of Merrick's voice, here. ]

'The fuck are you on about'

[samahl]

[Cyril frowns a bit.] Was there anything else you said?

[ombranera]

I asked if he truly did not notice the tension between the two of you, the bedroom eyes you occasionally give him- which I do not think you are entirely aware of giving yourself.

[samahl]

[Cyril winces a bit at the description of his 'bedroom eyes' and then focuses on rearranging his things for a bit.]

I see...

[ombranera]

He accused me of disrespect which is par the course, truly. He accused me of hypocrisy and then told me to drop it.

[ Zevran sets his pack in the far corner, settling on his unfurled bedroll as he works on removing his boots. ]

Nothing will come of it, I am certain- or at the very least nothing should come of it. But it is something that needed to be brought to light for the two of you. He truly seemed oblivious.

[samahl]

[Cyril sighs a bit.]

Why? [He asks, and then after a moment he find a bit of anger in his voice.] Why did it need to be brought up? Why did you have to expose my betrayal to him? Why was it your business at all?

[ombranera]

We'll get back to why after you explain how having incredibly complicated and confusion feelings for someone you know is a 'betrayal'. Killing someone after swearing to not, that is a betrayal.

[samahl]

Because he's my brother and I'm older than he is, and my infatuation with him has gone on for too long, has tainted everything... [He makes a frustrated little noise.] I still don't see how this is your business.

[ombranera]

He is my student, you a friend and lover of mine. Again- as I said to Merrick if you truly do not wish to discuss this, if you wish me to leave it be- say as such and I will do so.

[ Not gentle- but not entirely unkind. Zevran continues removing his boots and his blades- pulling eight daggers from his person and setting them aside as he speaks. ]

It has complicated things. I would not see how anything is tainted unless, perhaps, you have taken him against his will or he has done the same to you. I will not lie- when I first met the both of you, when I saw his temper and how you were forced to soothe him so often? It reminded me of how I was with another Crow. Someone that was, more or less, my brother- as much as we had such things. I became concerned for the both of you.

[samahl]

I'm not forced to do anything when it comes to Merrick. I choose to do it, I want to do it, because I care for him.

[A slight pause, as he reigns his emotions in.] But ever since I realized.. all of this... I've always wondered if that's what drives me to do it, more than anything else.

And the thought that anyone would pretend to be there for him while secretly harboring an agenda sickens me.

[ombranera]

It was how I saw things at the time, why it seemed familiar- and why it was concerning. Time has shown this not to be the case- there is genuine affection and care between the two of you. I do not doubt this.

Nor do I think your motives are quite so base. He adores you. If you wished to have him? You could.

[samahl]

[At that last part, Cyril feels as if someone has punched him hard in the chest and forced all of the air from his chest.] Please don't say that.

[ombranera]

Likewise if he wished to have you- he could. But this is not how it is, nor is it how it should be. Setting such things aside-

It is not easily done. It is not simple. And it is not painless. I have no advice for you in this as, even as I have Adopted Alistair and call him brother- were he to decide one day- [ Here he slips to Alistair's voice, impeccable as ever. ] 'Maker, Zev, but I want you after all'-

I would give in. For my will is not half so strong as yours.

[samahl]

You met Alistair when he was an adult.

I've known Merrick his entire life. There is a huge difference.

[ombranera]

And Taliesin knew me from the time we were seven. That did not stop him from wanting what he did, nor from taking it. The day you cross that line? Feel poorly.

[samahl]

I don't even want to think about doing that to him.

[ombranera]

Then do not call it a betrayal and do not call this tainted. You respect him as he is- and he respects you just the same. Set it aside. If you have not attempted to have more with anyone because of what you feel for Merrick? Then, perhaps, you have tainted your heart. But is that the case?

[samahl]

What are you talking about? [Cyril seems to think the leap in logic there, from talking about his feelings for Merrick to his lack of feelings for anyone else is out of left field, especially since he's still recovering from the fact that he had put any words to it at all.]