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[samahl]

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[ombranera]

And Taliesin knew me from the time we were seven. That did not stop him from wanting what he did, nor from taking it. The day you cross that line? Feel poorly.

[samahl]

I don't even want to think about doing that to him.

[ombranera]

Then do not call it a betrayal and do not call this tainted. You respect him as he is- and he respects you just the same. Set it aside. If you have not attempted to have more with anyone because of what you feel for Merrick? Then, perhaps, you have tainted your heart. But is that the case?

[samahl]

What are you talking about? [Cyril seems to think the leap in logic there, from talking about his feelings for Merrick to his lack of feelings for anyone else is out of left field, especially since he's still recovering from the fact that he had put any words to it at all.]

[ombranera]

You said to me before you cannot offer anyone more than a good time in bed- that something more serious is beyond you for reasons we did not discuss. Is Merrick one of those reasons?

[samahl]

I thought we did discuss my reasons? I... [Then, something seems to dawn on him.]

You seriously offered to spend my time in my tent only to expose my deepest secret so that you could, what? Encourage me to take Taas or Sam more seriously?

Honestly, have you gone mad?

[ombranera]

Yourself more seriously, actually.

[ Taas or Sam would be lovely but to be frank- neither of them here are the point.

Cyril's understanding of himself, his wellbeing- that is the point. ]

And it depends on who you ask. Morrigan or Leliana would say that I have quite easily. Alistair would hesitate to say as such.

[samahl]

Why?

Are you all right?

[ombranera]

You now, me later.

[ Zevran is onto you, Cyril- he's almost proud. ]

So, yes. That is why I asked to spend the night with you, to discuss this. Because you are my friend and I do care for you, Tesoro.

[samahl]

[He sighs a bit.]

Fine. I've loved Merrick since I was aware that loved men. At first, I thought it was just because he was so... [A pause, as he considers the word.] Because he needed me more than anyone else ever would.

I'm four years older than him, Zevran. That means that when I was 15 and figuring this out, he was 11, and even if it didn't become... this [This meaning sexual, it hadn't taken that slant until much later.] Until much later, that still says something, doesn't it? He was too young to fully understand what I was experiencing.

[ombranera]

Because being needed above all else makes for a marvelous foundation for a healthy relationship. But go on.

[ There can be no true balance in such things, no true equality. Zevran would know- he'd been on the other side while still in Cyril's shoes more or less. It'd been complicated. ]

It means you felt love but aren't a lover of children. I am not saying this is any less complicated, but you are no monster.

[samahl]

[Cyril shakes his head.] I'm not sure I agree.

He needs me. He needs me to be able to be strong for him. These emotions... They just complicate things. They could ruin everything for him. He couldn't handle that.

[ombranera]

Ignoring that Merrick is a grown man, a young one none the less but grown all the same, and fully capable of not only reaching out for support from more than you and those of the Clan, that he has actually done so, and he is not without his own agency in this or anything else-

Where have I said you ought to act on this? I believe I have said to not. I even said it in Common.

[samahl]

It's not just the action. It's that the emotions are there at all. The fact that I think this at all.

[ombranera]

If you really wish to be taught how to cut away your emotions and have a decade to spare I could walk you through it- either you'll learn or you'll die in the process.

[samahl]

[Cyril takes a deep breath and honestly at this moment he actually considers it. He feels terrible, like this conversation has ground him up into tiny pieces. It's probably because these are things he's never put words to and doing so feels like one of the most painful things he's ever done.]

[ombranera]

Breathe.

[ Zevran had been careful to keep to his side of the tent for the entirety of this conversation- but now? He reaches across to smooth a hand through Cyril's hair. ]

I wouldn't, even if you asked. It would break you and I am not in the habit of breaking beautiful things.

[samahl]

[Cyril does breathe and he shifts his body a bit to let Zevran touch more of him]

What is wrong with me? [His voice is very small, very quiet, and it is a stark reminder that he's still just a young man.]

[ombranera]

[ Gently, Zevran tucks Cyril against his chest, hands moving in soothing passes down his back and through his hair. ]

You latched on to the feeling of being needed and, perhaps, mistook that craving for one of love? I do not doubt your affection for your brother, even without the desire it is still a bit... I am the last with room to speak on what is healthy and what may rest in your soul like venom, but the way things were when you arrived- they did not seem to be doing either of you any favors.

But things have changed now, for both of you. Merrick has found a place for himself here, and a place at someone's side. Someone that wants him but does not need him- someone he wants but does not need.

[samahl]

I know...

And Metaari was with us during his last fit. He's wonderful. I'm so glad that Merrick has him.

[And also so jealous, but he doesn't want to ever give that words.]

[ombranera]

And jealous, I suspect, that someone has taken what you feel to be your place.

[ Hiding it does not help, Cyril. ]

[samahl]

[Cyril sighs a bit and looks up at Zevran.]

Merrick should move past needing me. Then none of this will complicate his life.

[ombranera]

Cyril- I think the one thing you have yet to see is that he has. Day by day he needs less and that truly is for the better.

Now what you have is an overly familiar comfort that you both fall back upon whenever you are around one another. There is a reason why I spent half the time in the Mire in Maxwell's company instead of the tent I was assigned.

[samahl]

So I should... distance myself from him?

[ombranera]

Distance yourself from the less helpful habits you have regarding him.