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[samahl]

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[ombranera]

I expressed surprise that you did not bring him up as attractive, to which he said-

[ He slips into a solid impersonation of Merrick's voice, here. ]

'The fuck are you on about'

[samahl]

[Cyril frowns a bit.] Was there anything else you said?

[ombranera]

I asked if he truly did not notice the tension between the two of you, the bedroom eyes you occasionally give him- which I do not think you are entirely aware of giving yourself.

[samahl]

[Cyril winces a bit at the description of his 'bedroom eyes' and then focuses on rearranging his things for a bit.]

I see...

[ombranera]

He accused me of disrespect which is par the course, truly. He accused me of hypocrisy and then told me to drop it.

[ Zevran sets his pack in the far corner, settling on his unfurled bedroll as he works on removing his boots. ]

Nothing will come of it, I am certain- or at the very least nothing should come of it. But it is something that needed to be brought to light for the two of you. He truly seemed oblivious.

[samahl]

[Cyril sighs a bit.]

Why? [He asks, and then after a moment he find a bit of anger in his voice.] Why did it need to be brought up? Why did you have to expose my betrayal to him? Why was it your business at all?

[ombranera]

We'll get back to why after you explain how having incredibly complicated and confusion feelings for someone you know is a 'betrayal'. Killing someone after swearing to not, that is a betrayal.

[samahl]

Because he's my brother and I'm older than he is, and my infatuation with him has gone on for too long, has tainted everything... [He makes a frustrated little noise.] I still don't see how this is your business.

[ombranera]

He is my student, you a friend and lover of mine. Again- as I said to Merrick if you truly do not wish to discuss this, if you wish me to leave it be- say as such and I will do so.

[ Not gentle- but not entirely unkind. Zevran continues removing his boots and his blades- pulling eight daggers from his person and setting them aside as he speaks. ]

It has complicated things. I would not see how anything is tainted unless, perhaps, you have taken him against his will or he has done the same to you. I will not lie- when I first met the both of you, when I saw his temper and how you were forced to soothe him so often? It reminded me of how I was with another Crow. Someone that was, more or less, my brother- as much as we had such things. I became concerned for the both of you.

[samahl]

I'm not forced to do anything when it comes to Merrick. I choose to do it, I want to do it, because I care for him.

[A slight pause, as he reigns his emotions in.] But ever since I realized.. all of this... I've always wondered if that's what drives me to do it, more than anything else.

And the thought that anyone would pretend to be there for him while secretly harboring an agenda sickens me.

[ombranera]

It was how I saw things at the time, why it seemed familiar- and why it was concerning. Time has shown this not to be the case- there is genuine affection and care between the two of you. I do not doubt this.

Nor do I think your motives are quite so base. He adores you. If you wished to have him? You could.

[samahl]

[At that last part, Cyril feels as if someone has punched him hard in the chest and forced all of the air from his chest.] Please don't say that.

[ombranera]

Likewise if he wished to have you- he could. But this is not how it is, nor is it how it should be. Setting such things aside-

It is not easily done. It is not simple. And it is not painless. I have no advice for you in this as, even as I have Adopted Alistair and call him brother- were he to decide one day- [ Here he slips to Alistair's voice, impeccable as ever. ] 'Maker, Zev, but I want you after all'-

I would give in. For my will is not half so strong as yours.

[samahl]

You met Alistair when he was an adult.

I've known Merrick his entire life. There is a huge difference.

[ombranera]

And Taliesin knew me from the time we were seven. That did not stop him from wanting what he did, nor from taking it. The day you cross that line? Feel poorly.

[samahl]

I don't even want to think about doing that to him.

[ombranera]

Then do not call it a betrayal and do not call this tainted. You respect him as he is- and he respects you just the same. Set it aside. If you have not attempted to have more with anyone because of what you feel for Merrick? Then, perhaps, you have tainted your heart. But is that the case?

[samahl]

What are you talking about? [Cyril seems to think the leap in logic there, from talking about his feelings for Merrick to his lack of feelings for anyone else is out of left field, especially since he's still recovering from the fact that he had put any words to it at all.]

[ombranera]

You said to me before you cannot offer anyone more than a good time in bed- that something more serious is beyond you for reasons we did not discuss. Is Merrick one of those reasons?

[samahl]

I thought we did discuss my reasons? I... [Then, something seems to dawn on him.]

You seriously offered to spend my time in my tent only to expose my deepest secret so that you could, what? Encourage me to take Taas or Sam more seriously?

Honestly, have you gone mad?

[ombranera]

Yourself more seriously, actually.

[ Taas or Sam would be lovely but to be frank- neither of them here are the point.

Cyril's understanding of himself, his wellbeing- that is the point. ]

And it depends on who you ask. Morrigan or Leliana would say that I have quite easily. Alistair would hesitate to say as such.

[samahl]

Why?

Are you all right?

[ombranera]

You now, me later.

[ Zevran is onto you, Cyril- he's almost proud. ]

So, yes. That is why I asked to spend the night with you, to discuss this. Because you are my friend and I do care for you, Tesoro.

[samahl]

[He sighs a bit.]

Fine. I've loved Merrick since I was aware that loved men. At first, I thought it was just because he was so... [A pause, as he considers the word.] Because he needed me more than anyone else ever would.

I'm four years older than him, Zevran. That means that when I was 15 and figuring this out, he was 11, and even if it didn't become... this [This meaning sexual, it hadn't taken that slant until much later.] Until much later, that still says something, doesn't it? He was too young to fully understand what I was experiencing.

[ombranera]

Because being needed above all else makes for a marvelous foundation for a healthy relationship. But go on.

[ There can be no true balance in such things, no true equality. Zevran would know- he'd been on the other side while still in Cyril's shoes more or less. It'd been complicated. ]

It means you felt love but aren't a lover of children. I am not saying this is any less complicated, but you are no monster.